Month: June 2005

Heard my first Shane joke on the bus today, an oldie but a goodie –
A British newspaper has surveyed 500 women, asking if they would sleep with Shane Warne.
Only 10 per cent said yes, the other 90 per cent answered “Never again”.

Seriously, if Simone doesn’t clean that little creep out of every penny I will be deeply dismayed.

mtc
Bec

My prediction, after reading today that Shane was indeed back to his old game of texting sex to all and sundry when his wife’s back was turned (and also 12,000 miles away) is that we will see the following headline from the Warne Marking Director very soon:
“Shane’s Tragic Disease: Sex Addiction Stole My Family”

Just you wait, dial-a-quote sex therapists around the world are quivering at the loins in the hope of commenting on this one…

mtc
bec

We live with my mother. When you stop laughing, this does have benefits. Sure, most days its hard to say these overide the gross infringements on privacy and the relentless suffocating sense of being sixteen even though I am completing my Masters, hold down a full time job, pay bills, have a great marriage and have produced two children yet to show any major psychotic tendencies. But the kids love her and it means I can duck out to shops or attempt a social life without the prohibitive costs of a hired babysitter.

But…
and maybe this is due to the maternal breeding patterns of over-protectiveness, I was filling a bit under the weather this evening and AB, bless him, has made me custard. (an aside: after telling him I wasn’t feeling particularly loved the other day – remember the not-sharing-the-chips-tirade there’s been a whole lotta lovin’).

And I’m not sharing. She’s currently pretending to be teaching my children, but I know she’s loitering for proper-made-by-a-chef custard. And I’m here to say, that lovefest of cream and egg yolks is mine, all mine.

Wondrous things happen when your kids get older:
1) they sleep more
2) they don’t seem to cry as much
3) they give you cuddles and tell you they love you, as opposed to crying, clinging, whimpering, whinging and gutting every cupboard in your house in the process..just because they can.
4) they say really funny things:
F: Mummy, Transformers are real you know.
M: Really, like in a world like ours?
F: No, in our world. I even know where they live.
M: Wow, that’s pretty cool.
F: Yeah, they live in Tasmania.
M: Oh my goodness, that’s amazing. Do they travel all over the world from there?
F: Yeah, and I even know what suburb.
M: Which one?
F: Accident and Emergency.
M: That is amazing. Pretty cool huh.
F: Yeah. They’re real.

5) they generally can feed themselves.
6) they start to get food and drinks for themselves when hungry or thirsty, rather than crying, clinging, whimpering, whinging and gutting every cupboard in your house as some sort of covert message telling you they really feel like a slice of cheese.
7) they learn stuff and you can almost see their brains absorbing the information and using it. Seeing a child learn to read is simply remarkable.
8) you have really cool conversations:
F: So Mummy, to make a baby a daddy has to put his doodle into the Mummy’s va…
M: Yes Felix, that is how a baby gets made.
F: hmmm

9) the ‘but why’s’ get a whole lot more interesting
10) you finally see that maybe, just maybe you haven’t ruined your life but have created a person that is funny, caring, determined, loyal and thoughtful. Then again:
M: So what did you get up to at school today?
F: I formed a gang.
M: Really? Wow. Who’s in the gang?
F: Anyone who wants to join, but just boys. You can be in the gang one day and not the next, but then you can come back if you feel like it. But only for boys.
M: I really like that you let people join in or not when they feel like it. That’s really thoughtful. But why can’t girls join in?
F: Because Jillian has the girl gang.
M: Oh I see, so what sort of things does the gang do?
F: Kill each other mainly. Have big battles and lots of karate fights.
M:

And for Nude Tuesday is a request to keep it on, because about the only thing worse that TomKat, is the thought of TomKat nude…although getting ride of those gold shoes would definitely be palatable.

Good lord she lives.

It was so lonely here talking to myself – as you could probably tell.

Am proud of my SMH letter today. Love the one following from the person in Vaucluse (could we be any less surprised at such comments from someone from that suburb??)

While Warne’s scalp treatments have obviously leached into his brain (I’m sorry, the man throws a ball, the concept of a flawed genius is as generous as saying JH is generous and kind-hearted to people not from his socio-economic cluster) its time we accept he has a penchant for balls and stop being so surprised at his willingness to throw them at anyone.

A full week of childcare…for two. Lets just take a moment to marvel at such wonderment. Enjoy it Bec, who knows if it will ever happen again.